Seeking

I was feeling. Suman: what! Did she not come down untying the rope? After such a terrible matter what happened? Then all flee the room in fear. Then in the room only I and that terrible girl remain, two. Suman: O Baba, you have much courage. With one hand the girl’s one—

Shashwata: …and that she would drink my blood. Then fear took them all, and they fled the room. Only I and that terrible girl were left. Suman: O Baba, what courage you have! Suman: And you did not speak the mantras?

Shashwata: I was saying them only in the mind. Then she fell upon the bed, and I saw the girl sleeping like a child. Suman: Then she could not bear that pressure of the mantra. So the one who was upon her then went to sleep. Shashwata: Then I came out of the room. It seemed only that her elder sister had come down from her neck.

Suman: whose sister? The girl in the room — her sister? She who had put the noose? Shashwata: no, that much I have not learned; Baba will now say all. Shashwata turning to Pagla Baba: Baba, now you say; I know nothing. Pagla Baba has been hearing all with mind. Shashwata again: Baba, what happened after, I too want to know. Suman remains astonished looking at the two. Pagla Baba: yes, Shashwata, you have seen right, and in the house the ghost is still not gone. Until her span she must remain in pretloka, and suffer much. Upon her sister her father and—

Suman stood astonished, only looking from one to the other. Pagla Baba: Yes, Shashwata, you have seen rightly, and in that house the spirit is still not gone. Until her allotted span is complete she must remain in pretloka, and suffer much. Upon that elder sister her father and stepmother visited much cruelty.

—will go on. Ending one’s own body is not the last word. Waking, people remain with their own samsara and share sukha-duhkha with one another. Again sleeping they wander the whole brahmanda in dream, and the knowledge earned all day they enjoy in dream while sleeping. Suman: then Baba this—

That is why scripture has said: one who slays the self commits a great sin — whatever the cause may have been. Suman: Then what will become of her now, Baba? The girl had no such fault.

Suman: She did this because she could not bear that stepmother’s torment. Will Bhagavan not forgive her, then?

Actually a human being does not die; only the name dies. So the atman too has no death. Only taking worldly form the name changes. Understand a little, Suman? Suman and Shashwata are astonished.

Pagla Baba: …again, with time, they forget the ache and rise into laughter and joy. So the atman too has no death. It only takes worldly form and changes its name. Have you understood a little, Suman?

I saw her clearly, she whose body

The question is: how did you know? Hear, then. The Guru teaches the disciple devotion and surrender to the Guru, and tells him to walk the path the Guru has shown.

Pagla Baba: Your work was only to remember the Guru and let the Guru’s bhava enter. That you have done at every step; so these things have happened with you quite easily.

Actually the Guru has no form, much like water. As the birth-giving mother and father are also Guru, again the school’s teachers are also Guru. Again the Guru who gives adhyatmika diksha is a diksha-Guru. This is for now the answer to your question.

Pagla Baba: This, for now, is the answer to your question. Have you understood? Pagla Baba (smiling a little): Do you think the earlier words have all lost their place?

Otherwise you will touch me again — Pagla Baba enters the kutir. Brother, what do you say? Something was known. To know all this one must remain near the Guru; otherwise reading books these things will remain mute. Shashwata: that is the difficulty — why will he come out?

Shashwata, saying “Jai Guru,” clapped his hands and rose, feeling a deep content. Suman: How much lighter will you be, brother? Pagla Baba keeps entering you and coming out. Shashwata: That is the trouble — why should he come out? Suman: Then how shall we find him?

Shashwata: What worry have you? Pagla Baba himself said he is already within you. Suman: That was jesting; I do not understand all this. Among such great words I cannot tell which is jest.

Suman: He has done smashan-sadhana, chita-sadhana, pret-sadhana. Without doing all this, could one speak so of pretas? Pagla Baba completed these sadhanas long ago.

Shashwata: I understood. Then how did you know these things of sadhana? Suman: I read. And that knowledge I have brought coming on this path. What is the use of only reading, brother? Shashwata: then why did you not try? In that siddhi could have happened. Suman: yes it could.

Suman: Yes, it is all written. If one can walk according to those rules, siddhi will come. Shashwata: Then why did you not try it yourself? From that alone siddhi could have come. Suman: Yes, it could have.

Meaning you had taken diksha somewhere before? Shashwata: then why did you not take? Quite a long list, gold-silver, many things written, even jewellery for Guru-varana.

Suman: In those days I was watching people take diksha. To hear the Gita and Puranas

The disciples frightened him; much harm would happen, insulting such a god-like Guru; he would curse. Then what happened: those curses stood as blessing before him.

Then what happened: their curses stood as blessing upon me. Shashwata: I see you have drunk the water of many ghats. After wandering so many ghats, at last you took diksha for eleven rupees.

Suman: Now the cooking must be done. Evening passed long ago. Hear of my diksha later.

They come before the kutir door; Pagla Baba inside has shut the door and is doing something. Neither dares knock. Entering the kitchen they see everything kept covered. Shashwata: lift the cover, brother. Suman, uncovering: brother, paratha, and in one vessel egg-curry. Where did all this come from, and when? Shashwata: magic? Pagla Baba opens the door, comes to the verandah: where are you, where did you go? They come out.

Suman (lifting the lid): O brother — parathas! And in another vessel, egg korma. Where did all this come from, and when? Shashwata: Magic, is it? Pagla Baba (opening the kutir door, coming into the verandah): Where are you two? Where have you gone? he called. Suman; Shashwata: Yes, Baba, they said, coming out. Pagla Baba: Arrange the meal; today you two have no cooking. Sit down quickly. Suman: But Baba, where did these come from?

Suman: We understood nothing. Pagla Baba: A ghost brought them, and said to tell you how the cooking turned out. When you two went to wash the vessels, the old man’s wife arrived with all this and said, today you need not cook. She did not stand long; she set the food down and went. You were so sunk in talk you did not see her. Now spread the asanas. Suman and Shashwata spread the asanas and brought the food.

Pagla Baba: take, you too sit. Suman, your sandhya today — with the Guru’s pratah-kritya and sandhya, this one convenience is there. Even if not done, before the Guru it runs; you have understood that well. Pagla Baba: no error happened.

Suman: No, Baba, a mistake has been made.

Pagla Baba: Now finish the meal and go tell the pretas how the cooking was. Suman (from curiosity): Baba, what did you see? Pagla Baba: Nothing; I was looking where the severed head is. Suman and Shashwata together: Where is it, Baba? Did you see it?

Pagla Baba: On the head of the kutir, sitting upon the thatch. But it will do you nothing. Suman: Yes, Baba — it might roll. Shall I give a rope, Baba?

Shashwata: Now let us lie down. But first finish the tale of your diksha; then we shall sleep. Shashwata and Suman lay down. Suman: Yes, all right. In this way two months passed. There one could not speak with him long, because many people came and went. I would only make pranam, sit a little after pranam, and rise again. Still it felt very good.

Suman: I would come away, yet I liked going there.

Before taking diksha you have come to know everything. Guruma was there in front.

First learn to surrender yourself at his feet; then you will see you have become one. Go, think now, go; think nothing more. Home I pranam Guruma and return. Next morning, keeping himself fasting, he goes again to the Guru-house. Then what happened he had already told Shashwata. So I did not give more. Understand then my taking diksha; now sleep. Quite cold is blowing; both wrap the chadar, saying Jai-Guru, and sleep. Shashwata softly calls Suman: brother, did you hear something?

Shashwata: Brother, did you hear something? Suman: Yes, I heard, and I have understood what has fallen. Lie still; do not open your eyes. Pagla Baba: O get up! Will you sleep again? Dawn has come. Shashwata, Suman: Yes, Baba, they said, sitting up. Suman: Will you take tea, Baba? Shall I make it? Pagla Baba: You will make it?

Pagla Baba: Finish the work here and go out quickly.

Shashwata and Suman finish their work, pranam the Guru, set out toward the river. Going toward the river Shashwata’s eye goes to the far bank: Suman, look, look. Shashwata: he went to the far side? Come, let us see. Suman: what, come let us see?

The two went toward the river. Shashwata’s eyes went to the far bank. Shashwata: O Suman, look, look! Suman looked across the river: a small boy was doing something with pebbles and stones. Shashwata: How did he go across? Come, brother, let us see. Suman: What do you mean, let us see?

Shashwata: You do not know how to swim? Then I shall go alone and see what has happened. What do you say? Shashwata: See how I go. Saying this he leapt into the river. Seeing Shashwata the boy stood up and began to shake his hands and feet. Shashwata: You — how have you come here?

Shashwata: Here there are tigers and bears; they will catch you and take you away.

From small I come; they are very terrible. By day too they stay here. You go quickly. Shashwata: so you have seen, I think. Do you stay in this jungle? Shashwata: then what are you doing here?

The boy: No, we are not. They do nothing. Shashwata: You are saying all this? Then where is your mother? I cannot see her. The boy turned, raised a finger toward the jungle, and said, She is inside the jungle.

Shashwata turning to the woman: is Arka your boy? The woman, smiling: why? Shashwata: who are you? The woman, laughing a little loudly: why, has my word not been said? Then let it be, you will know later. Now only we met; later there will be talk again. Today I come. Shashwata-babu, you too go quickly, otherwise your patients will all sit waiting — and taking the boy’s other hand she leaps into the water. Shashwata: what happened? She knows me? Who are they? Where did they go? Looking at the water — there, still seen, they are in the water.

The woman: Now we have only met; there will be acquaintance again. I go today. You too go quickly, Shashwata Babu, or your patients will all sit waiting. Saying this she caught the boy’s other hand and leapt into the water. Shashwata: What is this? She knows me? Who are these people? Where have they gone? I must go quickly. Saying this he leapt into the water, swam hastily to his own bank, and looked this way and that. Suman: O brother, why so late? Whom were you talking with so long?

Shashwata: Tell me, where have they gone? Suman: Who? Shashwata: The boy, and with him someone — the boy’s mother. Tell me, where have they gone? Shashwata: How terrible! Arka and Arka’s mother. Tell me, Suman, you did see them well at least once?

Suman: yes, why? Even if not seeing well you saw two people. Why are you so agitated? Shashwata: oh, then they were human — sitting on the bank. Returning they see Pagla Baba and a baul-sannyasi sitting in the verandah talking. They pranam. The Babaji, hand on the head, blesses: know sukha, know sukha. If you explain a little. Babaji, smiling a little: actually remaining in sukha—

Suman and Shashwata made pranam to Pagla Baba. Shashwata and Suman made pranam to the sannyasi.

You have not come here only to remain in sukha, have you? You have come upon the path to know sukha. Pagla Baba: You two first leave your wet cloth; there will be talk again later.

Yes, Baba, they said, and both went to change their cloth. Sudhadi has come too — Babaji’s wife.

Today a great mela — fish, meat, all cooking together. You rather do a little yogabhyasa and keep yourself ready. Suman goes toward the kitchen. Sudhama sits on a wooden piri cooking with mind. Suman silently from behind puts out a hand to pranam; Sudhama cries who, who? Suman pranams; Shashwata comes behind and pranams Sudhama. Sudhama: you sit a little, Baba.

One should call once, Baba; foolish boy, come, make pranam. She stood up. Suman finished his pranam; Shashwata too came behind Suman and made pranam to Sudhama.

Saying this they came out. Pagla Baba: Done, have you? Did you see, Suman, all your arrangements? Come, come this way; you two sit a little in the verandah. Babaji: Babas, you like it here, do you? I have known your Gurudev many days. No word

Hold lightly; you will see what happens in the guise of play happens again. Shashwata: I have felt that quite well. Pagla Baba: so you too have felt? See Baba, to feel, many again become late; actually many feel, many then becoming very knowing also become late. Babaji: keep the Guru always in smaran, then all will run right. Your path is of great temptation. So the Guru’s ashis—

Shashwata: Yes, Baba, then I come now. Saying this he went out toward the dispensary. Reaching there he found Guptaji standing. Guptaji: Come, Doctor Babu. From morning many had come asking for you; among them I have seated two. Shashwata: Guptaji, many thanks.

Shashwata: I shall speak with the patients first and then see them.

Are they human, or something else? The form of the two will not leave the eyes. I must know who they are; how did they know me? Their words still sound in the ear. Was Pagla Baba wanting to say that? Guptaji: doctor-babu, may I come? Shashwata: yes, come. Guptaji: you are well, doctor-babu?

Oh, the head is not working. When shall I find Pagla Baba alone? Guptaji: Doctor Babu, may I come? Shashwata: Yes, come. Guptaji: You are well, Doctor Babu? We are well.

That fault that ordinary-looking extraordinary man had already broken, and today you have brought its truth. I am very glad speaking with you. Forgive me for the ill thinking toward you. Then I come, Guptaji.

Shashwata: We shall meet again tomorrow.

Shashwata sets out on the kutir path. When our eating is finished we shall call you. Shashwata: yes Baba, no trouble. Shall we spread asanas in your room? The three enter the kutir and shut the door from inside. Shashwata and Suman remain sitting in the verandah. Shashwata: brother, are they doing puja inside? Suman: yes, they are doing puja; that is why they shut the door. Shashwata: what kind of puja, they took food and shutting the door puja is happening.

The three entered the kutir and shut the kutir door from within. Shashwata and Suman remained sitting in the verandah. Shashwata: Brother, are they doing puja inside? Suman: Yes, they are doing puja; that is why they shut the door.

Suman: This puja is called chakra-anushthana, which is not done before ordinary people. Shashwata: O — then they will finish puja and take their meal. Suman: Yes, that will be. After finishing puja and taking the meal they will open the door. I have seen this before. Shashwata: How is this puja done — do you know?

I asked Ramadi once; she said, one day you will know it all, why such haste?

Why are you restless? Only this much he had said; I did not understand much. And talking with me, with that aishvarika shakti she could know all about me. Now I have been able to understand. Suman: what had happened there? You had somehow become. Who were they? Shashwata: that I cannot say.

Now I have understood. Suman: What happened there? You had become somehow different. Who were they? Shashwata: I cannot say. He thinks pretas and beasts his own friends. Now one must know — what is there inside that jungle?

Is there someone else there? Many such questions are circling in my head. Suman: Yes, you have caught it rightly. Pagla Baba surely knows her; perhaps he had sent you to make acquaintance. Let it go now. On this side much time has passed in all this thinking.

Suman: Noon has gone over into evening; hunger has risen hard in the belly. Tell me, when shall we eat? Shashwata: True, it has been a long while. From inside there is no sound now either.

Nothing comes to the ear. Have they forgotten us sitting in puja? Suman thinks so too. Light the hurricane, brother; dark has come well. When they will open the door is hard to know. Then Sudhama opens the door and comes out, a bowl in two hands held covered. Shashwata: has your puja finished? Sudhama without any answer from the mouth comes down from the verandah, goes straight out of the kutir toward the river’s bank.

Suman: Yes, brother, come. Saying this he lights the hurricane lantern. Shashwata (asking Sudhama): Has your puja been finished?

Sudhama, giving no answer with her mouth, came down from the verandah, went straight out from the kutir, and kept walking toward the riverbank. Shashwata and Suman, not understanding what to do, went out and followed Sudhama. Suman walked with the hurricane in his hand. Sudhama, at a very swift pace, crossing the jungle path, going ahead, defeating the dark, moved toward the riverbank. Shashwata and Suman too went forward without a word. Suddenly Sudhama entered the jungle by the river.

Shashwata and Suman stood still. Though they could not see Sudhama in the dark, her voice kept coming to the ear from inside the jungle. Suddenly from within she cried, Come, come! From inside the jungle the sound of a few beasts running

Shashwata tries to see a little; Suman stops him. Hearing Sudhama’s terrible cry Suman and Shashwata become afraid. Shashwata: yes, then come, let us return. Yet in this dark will Sudhama have any trouble? Suman seeing nothing more takes Shashwata’s one hand and runs toward the kutir. Shashwata too is very afraid. Running back, Pagla Baba is standing in the verandah: where had you gone? Pagla Baba: who shows you the path, that is fixed.

Shashwata too was much afraid. When they came running to the kutir, Pagla Baba was standing in the verandah. Pagla Baba: Where had you gone? Pagla Baba: There is no knowing who will show you the path. You went to show her the path?

Pagla Baba: All right. Now take prasad, and take your meal at once as well.

They enter the kutir. They serve themselves. Sudhama returns: where are they? Have they come back? Babaji: yes they have returned; inside they are taking prasad; the poor things had become very flustered. Sudhama: yes I go, the works forward. Suman and Shashwata come out having taken bhog. Sudhama: Babajis, taking bhog, did you like it? Suman: rare, very good; I have not eaten such cooking in many days. Pagla Baba: actually you were empty-stomach a long time, so your tongue could not understand taste. Because bhog-cooking without—

Babaji: What needed saying to them has all been said; you say nothing more now. Quickly gather everything; we must return. Suman and Shashwata, having taken bhog, came out. Sudhama: Babajis have taken bhog — did you like it? Suman: Incomparable, very good; I have not eaten such cooking in many days. For the cooking of bhog had been done without salt or heat, you understand.

Shashwata: But Baba, why is the cooking of bhog done without salt and heat? Therefore, without salt and heat, the cooking of bhog is not judged.

In meeting the river will break the dam; then creation will run another course. Where is life breaking the dam? Earth, you stretch out your hand. Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswati — why does the mind seek them in vain? Now reverse the debt; mount the hamsa and say Soham.

We come now. Pagla Baba: yes, today I shall not delay more. Bless these two so that their work is accomplished. Shashwata and Suman pranam the Guru, pranam Babaji and Sudhama, and leave them the path. Pagla Baba: Suman, Shashwata, then now make my bed yourselves and lie down.

Pagla Baba: Bless these two, that their work may be siddha. Shashwata and Suman made pranam to the Guru, then to Babaji and Sudhama, and left them the path. Babaji and Sudhama said they would meet again, and went on. Pagla Baba: Then now you two make my bed and lie down. Shashwata settled Pagla Baba’s bed. Suman spread their own beds in the verandah.

Suman: Yes, that is good. Did you understand anything of their words? Shashwata: Yes, only this much — if I had not come here, this life itself would have gone waste. I cannot take it myself.

They speak of how such people live. Come, sleep; tomorrow we must rise at dawn. Suman: yes, these talks have no end. They pull the chadar and turn. Dawn birds and Pagla Baba’s morning mantra break the night.

Shashwata: I do not know. Now sleep, brother; tomorrow we must rise again at dawn. Suman: Yes, that is good. Saying this he drew the chadar. And both of them turned on their sides and slept. Shashwata sat up and woke Suman.

Suman: Oh, today the sleep was very good. Shashwata: Mine too — one sleep, and it was morning. Suman: No — let me make the tea. Every day we wake late. Pagla Baba, finishing the morning rite, came outside and did pranayama. Suman held out the cup of tea to Pagla Baba. Pagla Baba: So the tea is ready. You two rose so early — did sleep not come in the night?

Suman and Shashwata stand in the verandah with the hurricane. Shashwata: shall I wear the new cloth going, Baba? Pagla Baba: no; bathe, then put on the new cloth. See that you find him.

Suman: There it is, behind the kutir. Shashwata: How did this come here? Pagla Baba: Oh, the sleep you two have! Shashwata: Shall I go wearing the new cloth, Baba? Pagla Baba: No; bathe and then put on the new cloth.

Shashwata: What kind of Babaji, Baba? Do not delay now. Go quickly.

Pagla Baba: stay, you need no new cloth. Go, and do not chatter. Suman and Shashwata set out quickly on the river path. He turns the eyes a little this way and that and steps into the river. Suman finishes bathing: where is Babaji? No one is seen. Shashwata changes the stale cloth: then were we late? Shashwata: from the jungle on the right, people speaking.

Shashwata, changing yesterday’s cloth: Then have we grown late? Come, let us go forward and see. A little farther, Harinam-sankirtan could be heard clearly.

Following the sound they arrived and saw Babaji, and with him three more — two women, one man. When Shashwata and Suman came near, Babaji signed them to sit.

Shashwata too was about to join his voice when Babaji lifted a hand and stopped him. When the nam-kirtan was finished, Babaji said, Come near, Baba, and called Shashwata.

Shashwata goes to Babaji. Then he asks three times: do you like taking Harinam? The mouth will say Hari Hari, yet will you ever know where Hari is? Come, I shall do your karna-shuddhi.

You will say Hari, Hari with the mouth; but will you ever know where Hari is? And this Hari will bring you the sign of the path.

All rose together and, saying Hari Hari, went on along the riverbank.

Suman takes Shashwata’s hand and they return to the kutir. Pagla Baba: come, Shashwata; did you meet Babaji, and did he give something in the ear? Pagla Baba, very glad: bah, bah — your karna-shuddhi happened at a siddha Vaishnava. Now the journey of this path has begun. Shashwata: I shall; yet I had questions. Who was he? From where did he come? He said we shall not meet again.

Pagla Baba (very glad): Wah, wah! Now this path’s journey has begun. Khari-earth will remain upon the brow and at the throat.

Pagla Baba: Go; khari-earth has been kept in the house; take the tilak. Who was he? From where did he come? And why did he say I would never meet him again? Why did he have my karna-shuddhi done?

Again, someone gathers all into one, and one Guru alone gives separate kriyas.

Pagla Baba: I hope, for now, you have received the answer to your question. Now set your mind upon your work. From now both kriyas, worldly and unworldly, must be taken along. Go; the time to see your patients has come.

Shashwata pranams the Guru and goes out. Suman: Baba, may I ask one word — had I too some former Guru? Pagla Baba: surely you had, otherwise how did you grow so large. Without a Guru does one become large of oneself? Suman, you did not take diksha with your wife? Suman: no Baba, that chance did not come. Pagla Baba: why, you—

Pagla Baba: Tell me, Suman — you have not taken diksha with your wife? Suman: No, Baba, that chance was not mine. Yet she has much faith and bhakti upon this path, and she helps me greatly. She says, You go forward well upon this path; I shall look after the household. Pagla Baba: Why — do you not keep a household?

When the time comes, all will be right. Pagla Baba (smiling a little): How much account of papa and punya you people keep. And in the book, where else does papa happen, tell me?

Suman: I do not know, Baba. In seven rounds you took the duty of seven births. You will give her food and cloth; then from naraka itself you will have to keep that duty. After death you will have no kriya. Suman: I had not thought that; then Baba—

Pagla Baba: You will give her food and clothing; then you will have to keep that duty from naraka itself. After death you will have no kriya left. Suman: I had not thought of that. Then Baba, what shall I do now?

Have you not seen — when you went to learn something in life, the schoolmaster himself explained the book brought from the pathsala. And upon this path the Gurus themselves will explain. That is the natural way.

The human being remains in duhkha. So its fruit is called papa. Because duhkha itself is papa. And this papa a human being must carry about

Have you understood? Suman: Yes, Baba; I have understood.

In this way three nights passed. Give your command. In this dawn-hour a Vaishnavi comes there. Do a little Harinam-kirtan with her.

Pagla Baba: You will have to go alone; your companion Suman has gone home. Saying this he made pranam to the Guru and set out. At that hour light had not yet broken well. Shashwata went forward, doing japa of Harinam.

Without a question Shashwata sits and, watching her, rubs two hands on the earth and japas Harinam. He lies at her feet. She draws his head into her lap and, saying Haribol, Haribol, strokes the head. Shashwata’s body and mind fill with shanti.

Shashwata fell upon her feet. The Vaishnavi drew Shashwata’s head into her lap, and, saying Haribol, Haribol, kept stroking his head. Eyes shut, he only lay.

Shashwata (sitting up): Ma, who are you? Do you know me? The Vaishnavi (smiling a little): Will a mother not know her son?

See how you and I, even lost, keep meeting empty. Actually we remain the same — sometimes Krishna, sometimes Radha; playing the flute, Saptadhara, Krishna bound with Radha. Seven rishis, seven layers; a human says seven swaras. Seven rivers, seven colours; a human got five manners. Two sit in the loft; meeting, the atman, empty mind. Say Radha, jai Krishna; while the body remains, come to meet. On the dead shoulder, Haribol; another does the work. While Radha remains, say Krishna; mix in seven oceans. Say Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare. Jai Radha-Krishna, jai Govindaya namah, jai Vaishnavaya namah. She ends the nam-kirtan. Shashwata with mind and prana takes Harinam in Krishna-prema with the Vaishnavi.

While you live, say Radha Krishna; go, mix in the seven seas. Say Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare; Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare. Jai Radha Krishna, jai; jai Govindaya namah; jai Vaishnavaya namah. Saying this she finished her nam-kirtan.

You have still much path to walk; my blessing will remain with you always.

Shashwata: O — now I have understood. On that straight road is your akhara. Vaishnavi Ma: Yes, you have caught it rightly. A little farther, turning a few corners,

Shashwata: What kind of this way and that, Ma? I have understood nothing. How shall I be careful? Those who wish to reach that crest must climb the mountain path.

Two steps forward, four steps back, one keeps going down; and going down, one enters pataal itself; one’s own ahamkara binds one in the dark.

Because trust can never be blind. Where there is trust there is light. A true Guru will never teach you to become blind. He will remove your blindness and give the path of light.

A true Guru will never teach you to become blind. He will take away your blindness and give the path of light. Therefore he is Guru. Because, knowing your illness, he will give you karma according to that illness.

Only remember: he knows your good and ill. Therefore keep yourself surrendered at his feet. Have you understood, Baba?

Today I come. Shashwata: Today I have perhaps made you very late.

Shashwata remains astonished looking at the Vaishnavi’s going. When she has gone from his eyes he lets out a long breath and slowly returns toward the kutir. Much time has passed. Some people have come to bathe in the river. His wet cloth has dried on the body. Returning to the kutir, Pagla Baba: here, Shashwata has come. See, Shashwata, who has come — your friend. Turning, he sees Prashanta. Prashanta coming forward: are, how are you, friend. Shashwata, a full smile: very well — and pranams Pagla Baba.

Shashwata’s wet cloth had already dried upon the body. When Shashwata returned to the kutir, Pagla Baba said: Here is Shashwata come. See, Shashwata, who has come — your friend. Shashwata turned to look, and it was Prashanta. Seeing Shashwata, Prashanta: O, how are you, friend? he said, coming forward. Shashwata (smiling a full smile): Very well. Saying this he made pranam to Pagla Baba.

Pagla Baba: You two talk; I go inside. Saying this he entered the room. So tell me, how are you? Prashanta (looking well at Shashwata): What, friend — earth upon your brow, and your

The eyes and face somehow seem another kind. Have you taken diksha? Boudi, the nephew, how are they? You might have brought them. Shashwata: I feel you should bring Boudi here once, and not delay more. I believe if Pagla Baba sees once all will become right. Have you let our Pagla Baba know anything? Shashwata: think no more, say now; I too with you shall let him know all. Pagla Baba coming out of the kutir: what, Shashwata, you—

Shashwata: I think you should bring Boudi here once; do not delay more. Have you told our Pagla Baba anything?

Shashwata: Think no more; say it now. I too shall tell him everything with you. Pagla Baba, coming out of the kutir: What, Shashwata — has your talk been finished? Boudi has been unwell for quite some days, and my nephew too. But why have you come alone?

Pagla Baba: You could have brought them with you. Shashwata would have given some tablets, and

Shashwata: yes Baba — and leaves the kutir. Pagla Baba: yes Prashanta, now say. Prashanta: yes Baba, I am saying. Yours, I think, has gone to the ill. You too have a fault. This much should be understood — lottery—

So now leave all this. Quickly cook the khichuri, and fry a little alu as well. You must have had to set out very early; hunger will have come.

Pagla Baba: Yes, come this way; this is our kitchen; here

Rice, dal, all is there; make as you wish. You already have the habit of arranging cooking. Pagla Baba: from now cook with liking. Tomorrow if you can, bring the boy and Bou once. Never mind; you come, and do not give the mind. Give the mind well to the khichuri. If the head goes this way and that the cooking will not be good. Prashanta: no Baba, I shall think nothing more. Pagla Baba: such people need to suffer a little; seeing vesha—

Give your mind well to the khichuri. If the head goes this way and that, the cooking will not be good. They too could have lived a healthy life.

Pagla Baba: Such people need to suffer a little. Seeing a guise, bhakti comes; thinking him a sadhu they catch the feet. Saying this Pagla Baba came out of the kitchen. Even when he met Guptaji there was no time left for talk.

Today Guptaji sat waiting only to speak with Shashwata.

Guptaji, with much attention: yes, tell me what happened. Seeing the tilak of your brow and the dress I have understood much has already happened. Shashwata: so. Actually my diksha is done. Shashwata: that is the difficulty. Seeing doctoring before the eyes, still they believe not in jnana but in vesha.

Shashwata: That is the trouble. In our country people trust dress, not knowledge. Even seeing doctoring done before their eyes, they trust not knowledge but the guise.

Shashwata: you say right; now we have become one another’s complement. I see your change, you mine. I come now; it has become quite late; later the piled talk will happen again. Guptaji: then today I shall not hold you; you come; I shall wait for you. Shashwata returns to the kutir.

Saying this Shashwata rose. Guptaji: Then today I shall not keep you. You come. I shall remain waiting for you. Shashwata set out.

Otherwise you would have had to go and cook again now. What do you say? Then what shall I do today? Pagla Baba: Yes, a great difficulty has come; yet that was my own command.

Pagla Baba: I command again: you may take it. Shashwata: In truth, Baba, you had spoken only of three nights. Then from today the earlier rule need not be kept?

Take no one’s leftover. When you receive another nam I shall say then what work will be. Shashwata: may I know one word, Baba. Pagla Baba: you have come here to know. Then, what question have you, say. Shashwata: I want to know, why three nights? And you have finished no work at all. You have only just begun.

Pagla Baba: Leave that too at the Guru’s feet. The knowledge of time the Guru himself will have you do. So tell me, what question have you? Shashwata: I wish to know — why three nights?

Pagla Baba: Everything has its own separate mahatmya. And you have finished no karma at all. You have only just begun. Passing these three nights, your three births have been bound in one thread.

The word not finished, Prashanta: Baba, the khichuri is cooked, with alu-bhaja. Pagla Baba: you have done well. Before taking guru-mantra you have already begun guru-seva; you have done yajna for the Guru; Bhagavati will surely now be gracious. What do you say, Shashwata.

…with fried alu. Pagla Baba: You have done well. Before taking the Guru-mantra you have already begun Guru-seva; you have done yajna for the Guru. Bhagavati will surely give her kripa this time. What do you say, Shashwata?

Binding hope in the mind, they take his worldly hand and teach him to walk one step, two steps, upon his own feet. The worldly hand may be left; the mind’s hand