Insight

Shashwata and Prashanta sit on the earth and take Pagla Baba’s feet. Tomorrow your Guruma will come. Three days later is Purnima; that day is set for your diksha.

Pagla Baba: Do not linger any later today. Return quickly, and tomorrow morning bring Bouma and the boy. Finish your meal now. So saying, he went into the house. Shashwata rose and clasped Prashanta in joy, and Prashanta clasped him in return. Prashanta took both his arms and looked into his eyes.

Joy had risen in his swimming eyes like a flood. Prashanta: Friend, I see you have grown very busy here. One can hardly find you at all. Coming here I heard you are practising medicine in the new market.

Prashanta: Yes; you have said it rightly. Tell me, what age would you be now? Shashwata: Cloud after cloud has passed; much has happened.

Shashwata: I have left thirty-one and fallen into thirty-two. Prashanta: What you say — a child still! Yet my guess was right. Shashwata: Then your guess was quite exact. That is why I had guessed.

But coming here I have gone quite still. And your jyotisha, your number-lore — you will find that here as well.

Still, you have done well. You have kept some knowledge with you from before.

Let these things be now. You had said you would come again after one day; I see one day has become one week. Prashanta: no brother, every day your word came to mind, yet circumstance again and again stopped. You know all the state of my house. Thinking your word, last night I made the mind firm. First this fear — would I meet you again? Having left you, had you gone somewhere else? Shashwata: how was I? Silent, shy.

Prashanta: When I had left you, I feared you might have gone somewhere else. Shashwata: How was I? A quiet, shy boy?

Shashwata: But this is true — I too feel some change has come. Prashanta: No, no — you seem far more self-assured now. That first meeting — a restless, simple boy whom anyone might cheat. She too had said to help you.

Prashanta: That look on the face is gone now. Prashanta: No — not quite tenderness. Seeing you now, or hearing you, one feels you could bring any man who had gone wrong back onto the right path.

Shashwata: take, take, now finish eating; you are much late. They pranam Pagla Baba; Prashanta leaves the kutir. Shashwata goes a little way, shows the courtesy of love, returns. Pagla Baba remains inside alone, door shut, doing his own kriya. Shashwata finishes his work, cooks the night meal; after eating together Shashwata lies alone in the verandah. Before the dawn birds call, sleep breaks. Then dark like night on every side.

Shashwata finished his own work and cooked the night meal. Then the two of them ate together, and Shashwata lay down alone on the verandah. And before the dawn birds called, sleep broke. Night’s darkness still covered everything. In the stillness, unseen, only the crickets kept sounding in the ear.

Shashwata glanced at the watch on his wrist. It was only half past three. The hour of Pagla Baba’s morning rites had not yet come. Shashwata turned the lamp a little higher. He might have slept a little more.

Something long that has taken a human form. Shashwata, afraid, cries out. The two dogs rise barking, run toward the scrub. Shashwata without going further quickly sits up in the verandah. What was that? Ghost, or some other beast? The two dogs after crying a while come back and sit silent in their place. Getting Pagla Baba’s voice, courage increased, Shashwata goes to make tea. Pagla Baba, pratah-kritya finished, comes out.

Fear broke over his whole body in sweat. He had neither the courage nor the wish to look again. The two dogs barked for a while, then came back and sat quiet in their places.

Hearing Pagla Baba’s voice, Shashwata took heart and went to make tea. Pagla Baba finished his morning rites, came outside, and remained in pranayama. Shashwata made pranam and held out the cup. Pagla Baba, taking it: You have risen very early today? Shashwata: Yes, Baba. Sleep broke a little early. Yet the body feels quite fresh. Last night I slept well. Pagla Baba: Rising early, did you do some exercise?

Pagla Baba: Your face looks rather red. Shashwata: No, Baba.

Pagla Baba: And those who show such rash daring — call it this world or the other — both worlds judge them lower than the beasts. Your friend Tuhin wants to come to you. He himself had called death. He had fixed the day beforehand — the twenty-seventh — because the day he first met his wife was also the twenty-seventh.

Shashwata: but Rupa’s dream? That in such a way her death would happen. Yet Rupa’s death did not happen from drowning. She had heart-failure. But this was not any destiny. Such things happen with many.

Yet Rupa’s death did not come by drowning. She had a heart-fall. But that was no destiny. Such things happen with many. Shashwata: And Baba, Tuhin’s strange manner, and his speaking in another tongue — what then was that?

He felt Rupa inside himself, and the two of them spoke with one another. So his tangled words seemed another tongue. And he would bring woman and man together in speech. When one person keeps conversation with two beings, from outside it sounds like another language.

Shashwata: Then why did Tuhin want to take me with him?

Pagla Baba: your friend once wanted to see Rupa. Then what happened you know. Pagla Baba: there is one cause of letting you know the whole event. What you had come on the path to know, that has now been let you know. From any event that has happened the sutra of another event begins, which beginning your abhisheka on this path has been started. From now—

After that, what happened you already know. Shashwata said “Uff,” put his hand to his head, and sat down on the verandah. Pagla Baba: There is only one reason for telling you the whole event.

Pagla Baba: From any event that has already happened, another event takes its thread. That thread has given you abhisheka on this path and begun it. From now the matter of Tuhin and Rupa will not unstead you again.

From now you will walk only to know yourself. The work that knowing oneself requires I shall give you from time to time. Remember: among living beings, the human is the finest of God. So long as the human remains, God remains.

There one only enjoys the yantra of one’s own karma-phala. From that yantrana one cannot find a path to free oneself. I cannot even see him. How shall I do work for him? That I may free him from this yantrana.

Shashwata: Then free him, Baba. He was only unknowing. He did this without knowing. Tuhin was not only my friend. Ending himself, he set me beginning.

And mukti from this life-cycle can then be gained. Pagla Baba: yes he can. Before that you must do sadhana and wander in both worlds. Then you must give him some fruit of your own work. That kriya too I shall teach you. Binding yourself in a raksha-kavacha you must uddhar him. So all of yours now—

That kriya too I shall teach you. So everything of yours must now move toward that peak. Only then will he be lifted.

Pagla Baba: Standing above, one can draw up a person who has fallen below. If both remain fallen below, neither can lift the other. I think I need not make you understand more than this. If you have understood, keep now only the thought of raising yourself. Do you understand? Shashwata, after a little silence: No, Baba. I shall not ask anything more on this matter.

Yet do not leave the patients. For your diksha many things will have to be bought. Quite much money will be spent. Take those rupees and pass the day of diksha with quite some show.

Shashwata: What must be bought for the diksha? Pagla Baba, laughing like a madman: Some people have gone mad for money. But they will say again — that doctor, you know, Shashwata — madmen, again, are of two kinds.

Then those unworldly madmen, learning what sorrow is from the worldly madman, treat him, make him unworldly-mad, and keep him drunk on joy. And you, I see, have grown fonder of the madman who keeps his eyes shut.

Shashwata: will Guruma come alone from Kolkata, or will someone bring her? Pagla Baba: that I cannot say. Whether they will leave her alone, or reaching with son-daughter. Shashwata: that is right. Even if she comes alone she will know the path and reach here. He enters the kutir. The watch’s hand has passed six. Quickly Shashwata goes to bathe in the river.

Pagla Baba: Even if she comes alone, she will know the path and reach here. So saying, Pagla Baba went into the kutir. Shashwata glanced at his watch. The hands had already passed six. Arka and Arka’s mother came to mind.

Thinking, he stepped down into the river. Some ten persons of the bank, with two or three women, with khol and kartal and bell, went northward along the bank crying Haribol, Haribol. Shashwata thought — this, then, is life. A yatra-play.

When the yatra begins, the seats of the watchers fill; eager judges decide — today the acting was good, what fun there was; the story was good, the acting was not, or the story was not. At the very end they put the prize, a garland, around the neck.

Unknown fever; keeping seven days in hospital she could not be saved. Shashwata: oh. What age will the girl be? The girl had only begun life; now she had to die? Shashwata: yes, so.

The gentleman: She had only turned nineteen. Turning toward Shashwata: Seeing you, one takes you for a sadhu-baba of this place. The girl had only begun her life — and she had to die now? He who gave the life has taken it again.

Shashwata: What will come of sorrow? So saying, he turned back toward the kutir. Returning, he made pranam to Pagla Baba. Shashwata: What shall be cooked today? Today you need not cook. Much labour is going from you. Sit a little and take rest. The cooking will arrange itself. Do not think so much.

Pagla Baba: Take a little water and a sweet. Shashwata: My body is quite well.

Pagla Baba: and the body is all right? Seeing you I feel somehow tired. Today again there was word of some people’s food here. That is why perhaps your tiredness caught my eye more.

Shashwata, with a full smile: For some days my tongue and belly too had been wanting their joy. Eating the vegetarian food I cooked myself, the mind had truly grown a little unwell. Baba, is there any shastric rule that one must eat vegetarian food? Yet you all eat everything. Is there some separate rule on this path?

So, slaying Ravana, Kamsa, Mahishasura, the gods kept their own existence.

Just so, the flesh that builds the muscle today will tomorrow rot and melt and mix with the earth. This is nature’s law. Then is nature a killer? She who creates, she again ends, gathers power, and makes a change of form.

Pagla Baba: The knower, ‘killing’ the unknowing, gives knowledge. Still, perhaps you have heard in many places that sattvic food is vegetarian.

Eating having samarpan to Bhagavan, Bhagavan will free from papa. In such thought many prani, though they make sound, their body does not leave sattvikata. That is why niramis ahara has been held as sattvika ahara. All are part of that endless shakti, and all have taken birth in this nature for some purpose. In this way the life-cycle has been built. As the fierce beast of the forest—

Pagla Baba: Food has been imagined as sattvic food. All must be loved and honoured. Life is not bounded only in some large-bodied creature. All are parts of that boundless power, and all have taken birth in this nature for some purpose. In this way the cycle of life has been built.

Among living beings now, the human is called the finest of God. In him both these qualities remain. Yet ordinarily —

From food some unfolding of the mind’s bhava can happen. But on this path the reverse rule. That is why again many mahapurushas have gone mentioning this path. The path is not for all. That is why all are not caught and brought on this path.

But on this path the rule is the other way. That is why many mahapurushas have spoken of this path. The path is not for everyone.

So not all are brought onto it. The shastra speaks of puja in three bhavas — pashu-bhava, vira-bhava, divya-bhava.

Pagla Baba: From that bhava, with a pure chitta, he can let knowledge shine and enter himself into vira-bhava.

Pagla Baba: That can lift you from this cycle of life. Now you will enter Shaivachara. From this achara you will receive knowledge of the jivatman. Leaving poverty, in a rajasic way you will meet Rajrajeshwari.

And according to that kriya the fruit-rules remain separate. Understand, Shashwata? Shashwata: yes Baba I have understood. He pranams Pagla Baba. Pagla Baba lifts him: take, it is late, finish your work. The sentence not finished, Prashanta enters with his ginni and son. Wanting to enter taking permission, Prashanta from outside the gate calls Shashwata. Shashwata turning: come, come — and goes forward to open the gate. The three together enter the kutir.

Wanting leave to enter, Prashanta called “Shashwata” from outside the gate. Shashwata, turning: Come, come. The three of them entered the kutir together.

Pagla Baba was standing on the verandah. Prashanta, his wife, and the boy made pranam to Pagla Baba. Pagla Baba: Sit. You have come from far. Drink a little water and rest. I have heard you have been very unwell. Shashwata, first give a little water. Pagla Baba: Oh — then take it yourself. Prashanta: This is my wife, Baba.

Bouma, not understanding much: Thakur-darshan, Baba, not very much; I have not done Thakur-darshan in mandirs. Shiva-Durga-Kali you have obtained darshan of, living. And if you stir, the eye too will shut. So stirring cannot be done. And Animesh, you again—

Pagla Baba: Shiva, Durga, Kali — you have already received living darshan. And they have given you a prophecy as well, have they? What was that prophecy like? — As long as you live, remain dead with your eyes open. And if you stir, the eyes too will shut. So you must not stir at all. What do you say, Animesh-babu? Animesh: No, Baba. I cannot see any time at all.

Pagla Baba: How will you see? And that God who held your hand — did you see three eyes on him? What kind of three-eyed deity was he? Shiva Thakur, or Ma Kali? A very great jyotishi. And he who has seen the jyoti shows another the path of light.

Jyoti, Ish — jyotisha: jyoti means light; Ish means path, that is the path of light. A much greater jyotishi, who even shows darkness. Leaving jyoti-darshan he has obtained siddhi in patal-darshan. And with that siddhi he has made you too enter patal. Leaving studies you have remained a patal-vasi. Learn to see with two eyes open. Believe, but do not be blind-believing toward anyone.

Leaving study, you have remained a dweller of the nether world. Learn to see with both eyes open. Have trust — but do not become blindly trusting of anyone. In the very meaning of the word trust, one must bring whatever knowledge one has. So trust remains unbroken; blind trust, one day, surely breaks.

The span he has given you cannot make this body deathless. Rather, putting this body to work, one can make the name of the body deathless.

So before dying do not remain dead. Rather conquering fear, learn to live. Understand, Animesh? You have said right; I had believed him like a blind man without judging. Taking his word I had remained dead before dying. Pagla Baba: your such a beautiful form, two such beautiful eyes Bhagavan gave you.

Animesh: Yes, Baba, I have understood. You have said it rightly. I trusted him blindly, without judging. Taking his word, I had remained dead before dying.

Pagla Baba: I bless you, that you may reach your aim. From now, study with the mind; do not stop. Now let me see your mother a little this way. Come, Bouma — what is your name?

Anima, meaning Anima Banerjee. Pagla Baba: now what age do you make, Anima? Pagla Baba: women’s age-count does not remain exact. Let it be, how much did you say? Forty-three. Shashwata without increasing words pranams and sets out.

Suddenly turning again toward Shashwata: Do not keep standing. Go to your work. Shashwata: Yes, Baba, I shall go now. Pagla Baba: Do not delay — go.

Shashwata, without adding more words, made pranam and went out. Pagla Baba: Then, Anima — forty-five, is it? Yet this illness of your legs has been with you always? Anima: Yes, Baba. I have suffered much from childhood.

Pagla Baba: Then it has returned. Not only that. That is what has happened with you. Ordinarily the strength of your mind is firm.

Anima: shall I become right again now, Baba? Pagla Baba: this, you have already become right. Tuk-tak six months, the knot of the brow twelve months. Your six months twelve months have all happened. From now you go. Now do the cooking; patha-meat has been brought, which Animesh loved to eat from your hand. So mother’s cooking was much praised. Once eating her cooking, they said, many days—

Pagla Baba: From now, go and cook. Relatives used to say we understand nothing but eating and sleeping.

Pagla Baba: Then that will be very good. And the matter of remembering — that will remain in any case. Yet Anima, see a little that the remembering goes toward the good. Anima: You need not worry at all.

Anima, Prashanta will show you. Saying this Pagla Baba enters the kutir. Meanwhile Shashwata reaches the doctor-khana a little late; patients have crowded standing in line. One by one a patient enters and comes out. Shashwata, finishing seeing patients, quickly gathers the bag.

The moment he finished seeing patients, Shashwata quickly packed his bag. Today Guruma would come. The longing to see her was many days old. As Shashwata left his chair, Guptaji entered.

A full smile on his face. Day after day the press of patients keeps growing. Shashwata: So I have seen. Guptaji: Oh, all right. Then today I shall not delay you.

Shashwata: I shall go, Guptaji. Take this — a letter of praise for you.

Asking what is inside the envelope, she said only his prashamsa-patra. I have not seen her before. Asking who are you, she said I am his known. Only tell him Arka’s mother left this for you; then he will understand. Shashwata starts: who, Arka’s mother? Guptaji: yes, you know her? Shashwata: yes, yes, very well. Did she let it be known when she will come again? Guptaji: no. There was word of coming again, yet she gave no word. Why, is there much need of yours with her? Shashwata: yes, meaning all right. I come now — and sets out.

Shashwata started: Who — Arka’s mother? Guptaji: Yes. You know her, then? Shashwata: Yes, yes, very well. Did she say anything more — when she will come? Guptaji: No. She was to come again, but she gave no word. Why — have you much need of her? Shashwata: Yes — that is, all right. I shall go now. So saying, he went out. On the way Shashwata opened one end of the envelope. From inside he drew a long paper.

Meeting you again now is only the wait of time. When the right time is you will see the meeting will happen. Remain well; now then I come. Iti, Siddha (your known, Arka’s—). Reading the letter Shashwata stands before the kutir. The head has somehow become golmal. What does this Siddha-devi want to say? So for me her path—

Remain well. Then I shall go now. Yours, Siddha — Arka’s mother, known to you. Having read the letter, Shashwata stopped in front of the kutir itself. His head had gone somehow confused. What does this Siddha Devi want to say?

Shashwata thought: But that prophecy may not match. That she has rightly felt.

Until meeting her again no answer will be found. Quickly he fills the letter in the bag, then enters. Prashanta: here Shashwata has returned. Animesh, give Shashwata-kaku water. Shashwata, glass in hand: how are you? Has Pagla Baba gone out somewhere? Shashwata: where is Boudi? I do not see her. Prashanta: Guruji said today you yourself cook; so she is cooking. Shashwata: no, no, not magic.

Prashanta: Guruji said, today you cook. So she is cooking. Shashwata: No, no, not magic and such. Those words and that water, going to the belly and the head, and every illness is gone! Shashwata: Yes, I have understood.

Give those, and everything goes back to its old place. Living here I have seen much of this.

Shashwata: even looking with a doctor’s eye you seem well; you say how you understand. Animesh: Guruji has altogether swept the ghost from my inside; now I have become fully stirring. When the plate of rice and patha-meat comes you will understand how well I have become. Shashwata: bah, bah, this then shabash; come let us see how far the cooking is. You need do nothing. My cooking is finished.

Anima-boudi: Wait, Thakurpo. You need do nothing. My cooking is finished. Come, now let us go outside.

Shashwata: This Reba’s brother — you had brought the goat’s meat with you, had you? Prashanta: No, brother, it was here. Shashwata: No, not I. He knew it all beforehand.

So both try in vain toward their aims and cannot succeed. Life goes, leaving its unsuccess unknown. And this weight of that grief stands in the way and will not let one grow light.

And again on that same earth one returns taking a new name. Not being able to free oneself, one keeps turning here. I want mukti from this chakra. Prashanta and Anima have been hearing Shashwata’s words astonished. You have become a sadhu even before taking diksha. Never mind.

Anima-boudi: Ah, how beautiful your words are. I see you have become a sadhu even before taking diksha.

Shashwata: This bhava is not mine. Let it be — leave this now. In all these days this man of mine has done one right work.

Pagla Baba comes out of the room: has your fire been put out, Anima. Anima: yes Baba, long since; now if you order I shall serve. Pagla Baba: yes, do so. Pagla Baba: Shashwata, how did you understand the quality of cooking? Pagla Baba: you have said right.

Pagla Baba: Shashwata, how did you find the gift of the cooking? Shashwata: Eating the cooking of my own hand, the tongue had gone almost numb. Pagla Baba: Yes, you have said it rightly.

Pagla Baba: Feeding a man the cooking of your hand, the tooth could have been taken out. Anima, now your diksha must be given. Do one thing — remain here from now. The day after tomorrow I shall give diksha to all together. Animesh: Baba, I too want to take diksha. Now all of you together keep the four sides of the kutir clean.

Now all together do the cleaning. When Pagla Baba has gone to rest, all clean well around the kutir. Prashanta: brother Shashwata, will someone bring Guruma? Shashwata: that I cannot say; yet I feel surely someone more will come with Guruma. As he speaks, Suman enters the kutir and clasps Shashwata. Shashwata: suddenly you? Suman: I brought Ma. Shashwata: Ma has come? Where is she? I do not see her.

Prashanta: Brother Shashwata — will someone bring Guruma? Shashwata: That I cannot say. Yet I feel someone else will surely come with Guruma. Even as he was speaking, Suman entered the kutir. Seeing Shashwata he clasped him. Shashwata: You — so suddenly? Suman: I have brought Ma. Shashwata: Ma has come? Where is she? I do not see her. Suman: Why are you so restless? She is coming behind, with Rama-boudi and Amal-da. Shashwata, without another word, went out through the gate.

And there in front was Guruma. Seeing Guruma, Shashwata made sashtanga pranam to her.

How is your Pagla? Guruma: then you have not yet felt the torment. Dada-Boudi, Pagla Baba’s son, sit in the verandah. Boudi: Shashwata, this is our Guru-putra. Shashwata, smiling, pinches the cheek: what is your name? In which class do you read here? Dushtu: that I had already understood. You are Doctor Shashwata.

Holding the boy’s hand she entered. Dada, Boudi, and Pagla Baba’s son sat down on the verandah. Boudi: Shashwata, this is our Guru-putra. Shashwata, smiling, pinched his cheek: What is your name? What class are you reading here? But my name is Shashwata.

Dushtu: That I had understood already. You are Doctor Shashwata. But at what stage your diksha has been, I have not heard. Shashwata: I see you understand a great deal. Teach me a little too. Dushtu: Yes, I shall teach you everything. Shashwata: Of course.

Shashwata: I shall certainly let you. You are my Guru’s son. Amal-da, how did you find our Guruma, brother?

Shashwata: For that Guruma must be sat a little apart. Otherwise your whole day will go in getting her alone. Seeing anyone’s pain she seems to melt herself.

Who knows how much work the poor boy is being given. She had not even seen you with her eyes. Shashwata: Being alone here has not been much trouble. Yet remaining altogether alone with such a person — that you will understand well.

Pagla Baba and Guruma came out of the room. Pagla Baba introduced Guruma to everyone, and then —

Pagla Baba: here, Shashwata, come this way, and take the list of your diksha from your Ma. Guruma: all right, I shall write all, and cloth and sari he will bring costly. Guruma makes the list with Shashwata. Pranaming Pagla Baba: I go now.

Yet do not worry at all. Sitting with Shashwata, Guruma made the list. Pagla Baba: Yes, you may go, but take Prashanta with you.

Pagla Baba: Suman — you too go a little with Shashwata. Because you understand very well the measure of a good thing. Here, again, things according to your judging may not even be found. So judge a little less, and come back quickly with the bazaar. Suman: Yes, Baba. The bazaar here is small.

Pagla Baba: then even returning the morning after next would have done. Go, do not delay. You know before diksha how much work there is. Have you understood, Baba. Suman: yes Ma, now I have understood. We—

You know how much work there is before diksha. Have you understood, Baba? Suman: Yes, Ma, now I have understood. We shall bring all the things quickly, and you will keep the work moving forward.

Buying the things of puja, it grew quite late. After the meal, Shashwata lay down on one side of the verandah with Suman beside him. Thinking, he fell asleep.

And exactly at four his sleep broke. Shashwata sat up. Guruma came out from the room. Shashwata finished his pranam to Guruma.

Guruma has already risen from the bed early. You have done well; now go to the river and finish bathing. Shashwata, understanding her bhava, takes the torch and sets out. He leaps into the river, swims, and rises on the far bank. Dense jungle; nothing falls on the eye. Now and then the sound of beasts’ going comes to the ear. Inside this dense jungle, Siddha-devi—

Shashwata leapt into the river, swam, and climbed the other bank. In the dense jungle nothing fell upon the eye. In the moonlight Shashwata went toward the jungle, by the path from which Siddha Devi had come out.

Shashwata entered by that path and went forward little by little. Now and then the sound of living creatures moving reached Shashwata’s ear. What does Siddha Devi do inside this dense jungle? Though an unknown fear remained, the wish to know would not let Shashwata stop.

Going a little farther, the jungle grew a little clear. Going that way, Shashwata saw a place like a small open field. Shashwata came before the kutir.

Quickly he climbs. The door is shut; a light knock from outside and the door opens. He enters: where? No one is inside. A large earthen lamp is burning. A very beautiful scent has filled the whole room.

And somehow the kutir suddenly trembled. An earthen pot from the machan of the kutir fell beside Shashwata and broke. At such a happening Shashwata grew quite afraid, and quickly left the kutir and came out. Gathering himself, understanding the danger, he kept running toward the river. The small trees and plants seemed to catch his cloth and want to hold him.

Shashwata, without turning back, ran with all his life, leapt into the river, swam, climbed the other bank, and sat down on the earth.

Morning has only come. One man is bathing in the river. Perhaps Arka had said right — ghosts stay there, and seeing an unknown person they show fear. No, this way one cannot go there alone again. Thinking, he returns to the kutir. Pagla Baba is standing in the verandah. Shashwata pranams. Pagla Baba: you rose very early today to bathe? Shashwata: yes Baba, from now I shall only wait for time.

Pagla Baba was standing on the verandah. Shashwata made pranam to Pagla Baba. Pagla Baba: Today you rose very early and went to bathe? That is well — finishing work early. Yet remember, there is also much work that cannot be done before its time. Shashwata: Yes, Baba. From now I shall only wait for the time, and when the time comes I shall know. Guruma: Shashwata, come this way.

Guruma: Stand here and keep learning the putting-together of the puja. Shashwata: Yes, Ma, show me. And to call you and take you would have spent much of his time.

Rama-boudi: Shashwata, I see you have brought very good things. Sari, jama, cloth — people choose by colour and thread, each in his way. Those for whom I brought these can again, any colour and any thread, colour in their own way. Shashwata: no, that thought too has gone far.

Rama-boudi: Whatever will be done, the Guru will do. I am only the nimitta. Shashwata: No — that thought too has gone far. Drunk in the service of the feet, holding the feet, she thinks herself great.

Joy received, the self forgotten — the feet found, and I-ness become dust.

Pagla Baba had been standing beside Guruma. Shashwata pranams Guruma and lies at Pagla Baba’s feet. Tomorrow I shall make you strong. Your abhisheka and gatabhisheka will happen together; becoming adhikari of jiva-form Shiva and shava-form Shiva, you will do shakti-sadhana. From now, taking Guru-shakti as ishta-form Mother-shakti, first pranam her, then me. Guruma: how many shaktis like me are gracious; you come forward, that is what they want. Now go to your doctor-khana.

Guruma, to Shashwata: Go, take joy. You are becoming a Shakta altogether. By your grace you have opened this path for me. Guruma: How many shaktis like me are giving grace. You come forward — that is what they want.

Guruma: Now go to your dispensary. Guptaji: Then — Shakti-sadhana. I have heard this sadhana is very terrible. You will see — walk very carefully. Shashwata:

Shashwata: Yes, I have heard much of that kind. Even if ghosts and pretas cannot tear and eat, I have heard they can sit upon the neck. And becoming like them, one goes about and about, doing people harm.

Shashwata: Seeing the good and the ill, the knower and the unknowing, one must not, being unknowing oneself, sit in judgment on the unknowing. And this ghost of pride holds a human being fast. Only one’s own judging is right.

Shashwata: Otherwise, doing a little good to another, regret will come toward oneself. In that you too will sink, and you will throw the other into the mire; neither will find firm ground.

Guptaji: I have understood. Talking with you I must master this kaushala of yours. You have said right; ordinary people like us only regretting think ourselves great. Never mind; today I shall not delay you more. Today I come; we shall see again. Shashwata returns to the kutir. All finish work and lie to pass the night. Shashwata’s whole night more or less stays awake. Thinking, this dawn has come, this dawn has come, he sits up.

Shashwata returned to the kutir. The four sides were beautifully arranged. All finished their work and lay down to pass the night. Thinking — now dawn has come, now dawn has come — he sat up. The sun of Shashwata’s life had not yet risen.

On that side Pagla Baba finished his morning rites and came outside. Pagla Baba: Shashwata, finish your bath and put on new cloth. Suman dressed the kutir on all sides with flowers.

In the place of puja Guruma had, with her own hands, drawn alpana and set the ghata. Beside it she had arranged the homa-kunda.

Now with shankha-dhvani puja will begin. One after another puja keeps flowing; all sit silent in a crowd around the puja. In the midst Pagla Baba keeps sounding the bell and reading stava. Rama-boudi and Anima-boudi remain busy in the work of cooking bhog. All come out. Shashwata to Suman: what, brother, are you too fasting today? Suman: no, why should I stay fasting; you will take diksha, you will fast. Shashwata: then eat; yours—

In the midst of that Pagla Baba kept ringing the bell and kept reciting the hymns. Rama-boudi and Anima-boudi were busy in the work of cooking the bhoga. Suman: No. Why should I remain fasting? You will take diksha; you will keep the fast. Yet I have not eaten much since morning, and the day has grown quite late. Now a little hunger is coming. Shashwata: Then eat. There is no forbidding for you.

Dushtu was running about the four sides of the kutir, remaining in his own play. Shashwata: Here, Dushtu-babu, come this way a little. If hunger comes before the bhoga is offered, can one still not eat? Dushtu: One could, if the hunger had truly found you. He who gave the hunger — without giving to him, how will you eat? Shashwata put his hand to his head and sat down.

Dushtu-babu: let that be; now teach me giving injection. Shashwata: that I shall give; you yourself are my Guru. Can the Guru be disobeyed? Mixing with you any patient will become well and go home. Dushtu-babu: saying those things will not do. Today I leave you; tomorrow you must teach. Suman: yes, yes, Dushtu-babu, tomorrow he will teach; now leave Shashwata-kaku. As they speak, Rama-boudi, the bhog-thala arranged, goes to the puja-room. Shashwata: here, Rama-boudi has come out with bhog.

Shashwata: Mixing with you, any patient will grow well and go home. Dushtu-babu: Saying those things will not do. Today I let you go. Tomorrow you must teach me. Suman: Yes, yes, Dushtu-babu, tomorrow he will teach. Now let Shashwata-kaku go.

Even as they were speaking, Rama-boudi arranged the plate of bhoga and went into the puja-room. Shashwata: See, Rama-boudi has come out with the bhoga — that means the offering will be now. Suman: Yes, and after that your diksha. Shashwata: Morning has rolled into noon. That means, to give diksha, much puja is needed. Suman: Puja, homa — all will happen.

Suman: you have said so. Dushtu-babu, playing: increasing diksha does not make a Guru; increasing jnana makes a Guru. So Suman-kaku, without fear, increase the diksha. Shashwata laughs ho-ho. Suman: now more words cannot be said; see who is beside. In this way another hour goes. Then from inside Rama-boudi calls: those whose diksha will be, come inside. All go quickly. Pagla Baba first gives mantra in the ear of Prashanta, Anima, then Animesh. Then, sprinkling Shashwata with Shaktabhisheka, he accomplishes the abhisheka and shakti—

Now from inside Rama-boudi called out — Those whose diksha will be, come inside. All went quickly. Then, giving Shashwata Shakta-abhisheka, sprinkling him and making the abhisheka, he gave the Shakti-mantra.

Guruma blessed Shashwata and told him to go outside and sit. Rama-boudi: Shashwata, you are all right? Is there any trouble? In truth nyasa has been done through your whole body. So now you will feel a little tired.

When that water falls on the body all will become right. Shashwata: all right — and again remains looking at the sky. Pagla Baba, puja and homa finished, gives shanti-water to all disciples. Time rolling, almost evening has come. He orders all now to take bhog. Guruma: Suman-kaku, come, sit quickly; the time to quench your hunger has now come. You, not taking diksha, remained empty-stomach so long, and seeing your sorrow I too remained empty-stomach. Shashwata: ahare, you too eat something, this much a child, not eating so long. Shashwata: from where do you get so many words. Dushtu-babu: I do not know; Baba said jnana happened.

Dushtu: You, without even taking diksha, remained empty-stomached so long; and seeing your sorrow I too have remained empty-stomached. Dushtu-babu: I do not know. Baba says, when knowledge comes, speech comes.

Dushtu-babu: So the words come as well. On that side, though everyone had begun the meal, Guru, Guruma, Rama-boudi, Amal-da — they remained still fasting. Shashwata, having finished receiving the bhoga, asked Rama-boudi: You have still put nothing in the mouth. But do not take thought for us. We do bhoga and yoga together. Now I shall go. Let me make the place of the chakra-anushthana.

Pagla Baba: Rama, today set one asana and a pancha-patra apart. Guruma: Shashwata, have you eaten? You were there a long while; the fast did not trouble you? Guruma, smiling a little: Trouble? From outside it looks like trouble; within there is only joy. See, another pagli will come in a moment. Shashwata: Who, Ma? I have given no one any news. Guruma: She needs no news given; if she thinks, all news reaches her. She knows you well; you have not yet been able to know her. Then, crossing the small gate of the kutir, Siddha-devi enters. Shashwata, astonished: Ah, Siddha-devi. Guruma: Come, come, Siddha.

Shashwata: I have given no one any news. Guruma: She needs no news given. She knows you well; yet you have not yet been able to know her. Then, crossing the small gate of the kutir, Siddha Devi entered. Shashwata, astonished: Ah — Siddha Devi.

Guruma: Come, come, Siddha. Shashwata joined his hands and made pranam. Siddha, smiling: Yes, now the introduction with you can be made. From childhood Arka has remained very near me.

First go inside quickly, otherwise your Pagla Baba will chew and eat me. Now then I come — and she enters the kutir. This blessing I do you. You wait a little outside now; we finish our puja and come. Now I come. Guruma—

Sadhana-work will say where my place will be. Sanskrit Pustak Bhandar, 38 Bidhan Sarani, Kolkata 6. Rs 295. End of Part 1.